Don't Fence Me In

Those who know me well know that I typically avoid initiating conversations about politics or religion. It isn’t because I fear the topics. It’s because there are so few truly open-minded people to discuss these things with. However, I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut when I see complete and utter stubbornness of minds on both sides of a sensitive subject. Many apologies to my “black and white” thinkers, but in some cases there are multiple shades of gray. This happens to be one of them.

It doesn’t matter where I go lately, the topic inevitably comes up. Whether people are for or against gay marriage, their opinions are loud, unyielding and devoid of any flexibility. Frankly, the intense amount of contention surrounding this subject is exhausting. The hurtful things I’ve witnessed (from both camps) on social networks and in my daily life has left me baffled and frustrated. I can’t comprehend the complete lack of respect on both sides of this towering fence. Why is there even a need for this fence at all?

Now, before I go any farther, there are two things you need to know about me. Consider them my disclaimer.

First, I am a Christian. I not only believe in Jesus Christ, I believe Him. He set a perfect example of tolerance, forgiveness and love that I try to follow each day. As a Christian I also believe that, according to God’s laws, homosexuality is not a natural part of the procreative plan.

Second, as a believer in love and in the gift of agency (man’s right to choose his own path) I find it difficult to judge the lives of others. I’ve done plenty of things in my life that others didn’t/don’t agree with and have always hoped that I’d be accepted by others based on the goodness in me. As a result, I try to reach out to all who cross my path with understanding and love, based on who they are not on whether or not I agree with their lifestyle. It isn’t up to any other being to decide their fate, especially not me. I have my own fate to captain, and I have my hands full. Compassion and tolerance are paramount in each of our lives. I believe every person should give, and deserves to receive, these two things.

Now on to the matter at hand which isn’t the subject of gay marriage itself, it’s the disturbing manner in which the subject is being handled. I’m sure some of my comments already have a few hackles up, but hear me out. Also, keep in mind that my opinions are based on my personal beliefs and experiences, nothing else.

First, to my conservative friends/family…my staunch supporters of traditional marriage…cool your jets people. I get where you’re coming from. But, I’m here to tell you that you can spout Bible verses all you want, just keep in mind that it will have little to no impact on those who have little to no belief in God. The chance you have of convincing them that you’re right and they’re wrong is about the same as the chance they have of convincing you that they’re right and you’re wrong. Contention in any form is of the Devil. It is the opposite of love, the opposite of acceptance, the opposite of peace. I’ve witnessed people saying some pretty vile things in regard to homosexuals and it completely horrifies me. It’s as if they’re speaking about the basest of animals, not their fellow human beings. If you truly believe we are all children of God, then you must realize that these people… these creative, loving, funny, generous people…are also His children and that they have a right to experience joy in their lives. Simply because you don’t agree with the sin doesn’t mean you shun the sinner. All people deserve to be accepted for who they are. In short… LOVE them as Christ does.

Now, to my liberal family/friends… my advocates of equality… y’all need to tone it down. Seriously. I get that you feel passionate about this cause. Considering it’s an emotionally charged issue, it’s no wonder. However, spitting venom back at those who believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman is not the answer. You’re only escalating the situation. Do you realize how hypocritical some of you are being? Force-feeding your position will only be met with resistance. You know I’m right. It’s the same reaction the conservative camp gets when trying to shove their ideals down your throats. Persecuting those who disagree with your position, saying they’re close-minded, accusing them of bigotry… uh, ‘scuse me? Pot meet Kettle. Do you even recognize that you’re doing the same thing they are? So they believe homosexuality is a sin. So what? They’re entitled to hold that belief, just like you’re entitled to disagree with it.  Since when has standing firm in one’s beliefs become wrong? Or is it only wrong when someone doesn’t stand firm in the same belief you hold? (and p/s this question applies to BOTH camps!) It seems to me that it might be time for some of you to re-evaluate how open-minded you truly are. In short, if you expect tolerance and equality from others, you need to be willing to march to the very drum you’re beating.

Seriously people, enough with the bickering. Whether you’re in the “We’re here. We’re queer. Get used to it” camp or the “Don’t hate. We’re straight. Deal with it” camp, the next generation is watching us. It is our responsibility to teach them to love, to teach them to accept people for who they are, not who they sleep with. We need to teach them that fences between people shouldn't be necessary. And, we need to teach them these things through our examples.   

OK, well…I’m sure I’ve thoroughly ticked some of you off. If that’s the case, maybe you should be asking yourself why that is. And, while I’m sorry if I’ve upset you, don’t expect an apology for what I've said. It won’t be coming. Ever. Upset or not, I hope that what I’ve said has at least gotten some of you thinking about your perspective and, more importantly, about how you’re dealing with the issue. Up until now, I’ve been relatively silent on the entire subject of equality for gays because, in truth, I’ve wrestled with this question for a couple of decades. Call me a fence-sitter if you like, but I see both sides. Maybe my own struggle has contributed to the scope of my perception, maybe not. I don't know.

What I do know, unequivocally, is this: color, race, creed, religion, sexual preference…these aren’t exclusionary factors to me. The people I accept into my life are loved for their personality, for their integrity, for their compassion and most of all, for their own capacity for goodness. No one is excluded from God’s love. Therefore, no one is excluded from mine.